Not much going on….

Haha, I guess that isn’t the best title for a blog post but its the truth.  Not a whole lot going on here just some planning stages and informational meetings plus school school school.  It has been a lighter week and it has been a breath of fresh air!!  I have watched a lot of Law and Order and have been trying to sort through some problems in my life.  I am approaching a solution for one of them hopefully and when it is finished, I should be able to breathe a little easier.  I am ready to start running again I think.  I need the stress-relief like no other.  I think this time it will be non-structured.  I am going to just run until I can’t go anymore and then keep pushing.  I think I do better with that method.  Other than the thoughts in my head, things have been calm.  Daisy seems to be a happy little pug with her 3 walks a day and some play time.  She likes to sneak in bed with us though which I don’t mind 😉 but E wants her to sleep in her bed!  She gets the boot periodically but I think he likes her a lot since I catch him talking to her and strangely calling her “big cat”.  Since he loves cats I guess this is a term of endearment LOL.  Ok I am off to watch a little TV on my phone in bed and call it a night.  Got EKG learnin to do tomorrow!  After the intubation clinic last night, I should be a real doc by tomorrow!  Haha…gnight!

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Nice finish to the week and things in progress

Hello all!!  So happy to have this week over.  It was a busy one filled with waiting on exam grades from 2 weeks ago.  I did better than I thought I would I am happy to report!! We had a foundations test today (board review type of class) and it wasn’t bad.  Its a pass/fail class so I am pretty sure I passed and I like that its a more formative class than others.  In general I think its a cool idea for a class to review the previous block’s material.  They are all about the repetition this year and I think it works.  IGC also seems to reinforce what we learn in class too!  Its a good structure overall and I am glad I chose Nova for med school.

We have a community service requirement for each semester and I am happy to say that I found an opportunity that I am really excited about.  Its an internship at a State Senator’s office and I would be giving medical input on a state health care bill!!  How cool is that??  Also, for next semester, I am working on doing the RHE through MSFC.  I would get trained to perform ABs and other services for women at pro-choice clinics.  I know this will be part of my practice so I can’t wait to get involved in this opportunity one way or another.

I am also working on my application to be an OPP Fellow.  It would be such a great experience and I think I am shaping up to be a decent candidate.  I also know a lot of great people who are applying as well and I think they would make great teachers and fellows too.  There are only 6 spots so while I am hopeful that I will get a spot, I realize that it is competitive.  Just gonna be optimistic and hope for the best.  I also am excited about rotations too though!  So either way, next year will be a great learning opportunity and it will be great to get out of the passive lecture learning and get real experience with lots of patients.  Med school moves so fast and we learn so much in a short period of time.  Its really crazy.  I am really happy I survived the first year and am on to much better times now.

Now I am off to decide on whether or not to go out for the night!  Catch up again soon!

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Craziness lately and more to come

Oh med school!  If you like to be busy all the time…then med school is for you!  I personally like to have a good mix of busy and calm so sometimes I get overwhelmed by the busy schedule of med school.  This week has been fun.  I hope all procedures weeks will be this interesting.  Got to learn the basics of inserting a foley catheter, inserting an NG tube, starting an IV, blood draws and suturing!!  Suturing was by far my favorite and I really enjoyed it.  I could have stayed there all day honestly.  I like learning the practical side of medicine too.  It makes me feel like I am actually capable of doing something doctor-y if necessary.

This week coming and this month in general is a busy one.  I have a lot of meetings about rotations, boards and other future things.  Med school is all about preparing for the future, all the time.  It is kind of hard to live in the present with that kind of environment.  It almost feels sometimes like this time is not to be valued because its all about being ready for those patients to come.  I find it hard to even figure out the first decision….COMLEX alone or COMLEX and USMLE together.  For that, you need to know sorta what you want to specialize in.  I have no clue!!  I really wish I had an inkling of what I want to do.  When are you really supposed to figure that out?  Rotations would be the perfect place to learn that but you have already taken step 1 of boards by then.

Then I have to figure out where in the heck to go for my residency and to get into them, you need to do audition rotations there.  How do you figure that out??  Unbelievably overwhelming and I wish there was someone at school to help with all this.  It would be nice to have guidance counselors all through life.  Medicine is a hard road full of tons of decisions and lots of sacrifice.  I think it will be worth it in the end though.  I wonder what city will be next.  Sure Nashville would be great, but I am not sure it will happen.  Chicago sounds cool, so does DC.  Out west somewhere might be nice too.  There are a good number of possibilities but which is right for me?  Which is best for Eric?  What if I want to be in the middle of nowhere and Eric needs to be in the city?  How do we figure that out?

So many questions….no answers.  I guess I will just have to learn to sit with the unknowns and be ok with them for now.  I feel lucky that I have a great husband who seems to be happy to be along for the crazy ride.  I have amazing friends who seem to stick around too even if geography tries to part us.  Then there are other friends that I fear are slipping away forever.  Are you really supposed to remain friends with people you grew up with forever?  I always thought so, but maybe sometimes, people change and take such different directions in life that there is no longer that bond?  Sometimes I feel like I still have the love and care for them but they don’t put me in the same category.  Maybe its them and maybe its me not realizing that that relationship may have had its time and that it was finite.  I hope not because the more people I meet, the more I seem to recognize that the people I grew up with are the best people I know.  Which makes them the hardest to lose….

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Finals over and finding my way

Hello all…..I have been terribly MIA and I should really be better about writing on here.  I feel like its the only time I take to look into myself and try to find the quiet and try to know who I am.  Does anyone feel like they really know themselves?  If you do I would love to know how you got there and how you know it.  I think everyone is on a journey to know themselves better and for me, I feel like I have been trying to know myself for a very long time.  I feel like there are people in this world (that I am incredibly grateful to have in my life) that know me better than I know myself.  While that is a great thing at times, I don’t know how well it serves me and my ability to be confident in who I am and what I can contribute to the world.

Why do I feel like I am not that extraordinary?  Shouldn’t everyone feel like there is something incredibly unique about them they only they can contribute and share?  I am so blessed to have a lot of people around me who can tell me that I am smart, funny or a good friend….but why can’t I see that for myself?  Why do I look at the people I go to school with and think “How did I get in amongst all these brilliant people?”  I really do think that.  I hate the self doubt.  Its not good and it eats away at me taking care of myself.  I mean how can you take care of something that you don’t see its inherent value?

And how does one find this inherent value?  I know I should just see it and I know why I don’t have it on some levels but I want to just move past those thoughts and be the self-confident, happy, independent, carefree and conscious adult that I see myself admiring.  I find it so easy to admire others, why can’t I admire myself?  On paper I feel I have accomplished things in my life….why do I feel a little lost and wandering?  And not the good kind of wandering either.  I feel like I need more time to sit and just be.  To just watch what is going on in my life and catch my breath.  I think that describes how I feel the best….like I emotionally can’t catch my breath.  Med school zooms by in a blink and on the one hand I am very thankful that it does because it is tough and requires a lot of discipline….but on the other, it is something that I wanted for so long and I want to enjoy it and feel the joy of actually pursuing my dreams.

But even this sitting and being time would have to be scheduled and something in me rebels against schedules and constraints.  Maybe its immaturity, who knows.  Pretty soon, the next block will start and time will be a whirlwind again….hopefully I can take some time to be alone and wander in a way that helps me find my way back to who I am and why I am here.

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Nashville and Fall :)

Hello all!!  Brompt has been getting on me about posting so here I am!  If you have trouble remembering to post regularly then I suggest you use brompt.com to remind you.  Anyway, I had a great time in Nashville.  It was fall there! Oh how I miss the coolness and back-to-school newness of fall.  There is something so promising and rejuvenating about that first cool day.  Not to mention I don’t think there is a more beautiful place on earth than Tennessee in the fall.  Those beautiful leaves literally make me want to cry at how beautiful they are.  The most peaceful image in the world to me is the sight of rolling hills of orange, red, brown and green.  I want to go back so much sometimes.

It was great to see Nanny.  Got to spend a lot of time with her and I think she is doing well.  She is her stubborn, sassy self and I love it.  She has her harder days and I think her stubborn attitude can wear on the people caring for her.  I am glad she is doing well though and I think she is happy.  I hope it will get less stressful and more routine for everyone around her soon.

I got to see lots of great friends also when I was home.  I wish I had gotten to see more but I guess people’s lives get too busy to squeeze people in.  It was great to see old friends though and I am so incredibly lucky to have good people in my life who have known me forever.  They are such passionate people who fearlessly pursue their passions and I am inspired by them everytime they tell me their new adventures.  So thankful to have them in my life.

Med school is in full-force this week.  So many long days this week….I can do it, I can do it…..  I can’t wait til the weekend and I little extra sleep and down-time/catch-up time.  Trying to keep up at least this week so I can get more review time in this weekend.

Looking forward to some more traveling this year.  San Francisco, Chicago and a Cruise all look like they will be happening before the end of 2010!!  Yay!!  Lots of photo opportunities and super fun!  Of course going back to Nashville for the holidays.  Ok, bed time for me now.  Gotta keep clicker-training Daisy to reward her good behavior :).  She is being a very good girl in general and I think she is really settling in with us….

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25 years?!?!

Hello!  Today is my 25th birthday!  Hard to believe that I am 25 years old.  It it amazing that I am now in this new realm of being a little bit older and seemingly totally an adult.  I have had a wonderfully relaxing weekend of mostly lounging around.  Today I was able to get some work done, do 2 workouts and go to Seasons 52 with Eric!  What a fantastic place to eat!!  All the meals have 475 cal or less and they have this amazing drink………a raspberry sweet tea martini!!  The yummy-est drink I have had in a long long time.  I had a bruschetta-type flat bread appetizer and cedar plank salmon with asparagus, carrots and red potatoes.  And they had amazing litter mini-shot-desserts and they were awesome.  I ggot the peanut butter swirl and Eric got the pecan pie.  Both were amazing!  What a nice and relaxing special dinner.

Had to do two workouts today to stay on track for this week.  Did Week 2 Day 1 of the C25k and it was again too easy.  I did come home and do NMTZ and it kicked my booty!!  I will be feeling it tomorrow.  I am really looking forward to going to Nashville this weekend.  I can’t wait to see my family and friends there.  I really want to take pictures too so hopefully I will find some time for that.

So I feel like I should do a special reflection for my big 2-5 birthday.  I thought I would think about how far I have come and how many dreams I still have left.  I am an independent adult who manages her finances and is able to provide for herself.  I am still the little girl I was when I decided that I was going to be a doctor but now I am just a bigger kid in med school.  I still get amazed at the human body and all its glory.  I still get excited at the idea of healing and helping the world be a little less sick.  I am married and I have managed to not run him off in the craziness of the first year of med school.  More importantly, I am married to my best friend and someone who still makes me laugh and who’s kisses still rock my world.  He is wonderful and I consider it one of the best things I have ever accomplished in marrying him.  I have amazing friends.  I have the same friends since almost 20 years ago and I cherish that more than I can put into words.  I felt that today with all the love and people stopping in their busy lives to say Happy Birthday.  I think the other best thing about my wedding day was looking around and knowing how many people love me.  What an amazing feeling.  And now, being in med school, surrounded by people who want to be doctors too….sometimes it strikes me as amazing.  We are all going to heal.  We are all going to make it to that big giant goal that so many of us have had for so so long.  Its so easy to get bogged down in the details and all the compulsive studying we can do….but in the end we have to look around and appreciate where we are and how lucky we are to get to learn what we are learning.

That being said I want more than med school.  I want to travel more (as money permits).  I want to have more fun and go out more.  I want to spend better time with Eric and friends.  I think this year and this better schedule makes more time for that and it needs to happen.  I love being in med school but I don’t want to look back on all these years and see just med school.  Life is too short and it needs to be packed with the good stuff.  Ok going to bed!  Good night and thanks for all the wishes!!

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New game plan in full swing :)

I am happy to report I have a new plan.  I am feeling positive and in the process will work through my goals.  I started the Couch 2 5K program over.  I did Day 1 of Week 1 yesterday and it was a piece of cake so tomorrow I will be going to week 2 day 1.  When I hit a week that is challenging, I am going to stay on that week and I am going to listen to my body more.  If I need to repeat a week, thats ok.  I think that will help me achieve my goals is a better way.  I know running is a slow process and I just need to be more patient with myself.  I also want to take it a little easier running so that I can alternate 3 days a week running and 3 days a week of my NMTZ DVD.  I did that today and it was tough!  Its a great DVD though with plenty of moves for beginners but plenty of room to challenge.  Plus, there are so many different moves that I don’t see getting bored with it anytime soon.

And in other news, got my hair highlighted today.  I put some honey and red highlights in and it looks great!  Rob at Drew James always seems to know what I am wanting and he is so quick too!  It makes my hair a little more interesting and gives it a little volume too!  Yay!

I am soo looking forward to next weekend and seeing family and friends in Nashville.  I miss that town more and more and I hope that this crazy journey I am on will lead me home.  I miss being around my family and I want to see my friends more.  I really want to buy a home and stay put.  I love our apartment and our life here, but I think I am ready to own my own home and pour my creativity into it.  I will have to be patient and just take more pictures when I go home this time so that I can look at them when I am feeling a little homesick.  A least I have Eric here and my animals.  They really are my home when it comes down to it and I couldn’t ask for a better place for my heart to live everyday.

Found a couple new tools that help with reminders.  Brompt will email you when you haven’t blogged (you set the schedule).  And I got water tracker for my iPhone and it reminds me to drink water (push notifications) and tracks the amount I have had that day.  Its really great and has annoyed me just enough to drink significantly more water the last few days.

Well I do think that is quite a long enough post.  I have more to say but I will be back on Monday or so (my 25th birthday!) for some more short and long term goals and some reflections in general since it is a big birthday!

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